Zuma

Went to Zuma in Knightsbridge last night. Before I say anything about this place, just check-out the website. Nuff said really. This place has some serious ethos.

The menu advises that Zuma is a contemporary take on the traditional Japanese izakaya - a venue for the informal, shared consumption of small dishes. Trouble is that it's the last place you would find anything like that sort of relaxed socialisation. Wherever you gaze in Zuma there's something at stake. This joint just seethes with yearning, and despite the suggestions of the decor, it is not satori that is being earnestly sought here.

It's hard not to be hexed by all the beautiful people from the moment you walk in. You practically need a chat-up line to get the well-groomed girls at the reception desk to even pay attention to you. Just getting a table here had involved a trail of lubrication that trickled all the way back to the concierge at the Capital Hotel.

Yet once your eyes have settled back into their sockets, you can begin to detect a certain lack of grace in all this glamour. The closest that most of these people have got to Zen is buying a Claude Challe Buddha Bar compilation. And of about half of the expensively-atired ladies on display the most favourable thing you could say about them is "not exactly a taxpayer", but with several it was "Hungarian pornstar" that actually sprung to mind.

The eastern European blonde that poured our Saumur sauvignon affected the rituals of the practiced sommelier. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't really enjoy getting the full professional treatment from non-professional waiters and waitresses. It smacks of phoniness and intimidation. The chefs bustling around behind the sushi bar also looked more Thai than Japanese.

Like grilled turtle Zuma is an exquisite but morally-suspect pleasure. A place to savour, slobber over even, but perhaps just the once. When the stated ethos of a restaurant is this much out of step with the people eating and serving within it, what you have left is beautiful but empty style.

The food is undeniably delicious though. Most memorable was a grilled soft-shell crab served with a wasabe mayonnaise and barbecued rice on little sticks like ice-lollies. We also enjoyed the crispy fried squid with green chilli salt, and the salt grilled seabass with burnt tomato ginger relish. The sweet potato with soy and sesame glaze is something I'm going to try reproducing at home.