Rise and shine

I recall now why we tend to avoid going out with the dogs first thing. One has to run the gauntlet of the 7am rush, which can be like playing some weird, live chapin version of Grand Theft Auto.

Outside the front door await the resident early-idling citizenry...consisting to a truly disheartening extent of hipocritas, egoistas, resentidos and free-floating chiribisqueros plus other assorted lifestyle bottom-feeders, and enriched at this hour by clusters of puddle-hopping estudiantes, blithely-urinating albañiles, pinches salariados, and cascades of bicicletistas imprudentes.

Then there's the paranoid poof with his can of Mace, who runs off screaming insults in the American vernacular every time he sees Jin and, if we're really unlucky, the knuckle-dragging brinconcito, who shuffles past gesturing at the ludicrously large gun that he carries under his sweatshirt.

Potentially even more hazardous are the extralegally-hooting madres de la alta suciedad, many still in their night clothes as they undertake their time-trial school runs, handling their vehicles as if any pedestrian in their path is to be swatted aside like a late-shift zancudo.

Better to stay indoors with our platanitos fritos and freshly-brewed coffee. After 11am, the only human obstacles are the shambling undead known locally as bolitos.