Friday, October 16, 2009

Moocho Macho



Barack Obama demonstrates here something that just about anyone in Antigua could testify to — that's there's no easier way for a non-Latino to make a complete 'macho' of himself than by showing off his salsa moves in public.

US tabloids have reported that Michelle Obama was 'pissed' at her husband for playing up to that embarrassing old scrubber and all-round gold-digger Thalia.




"My salsa makes all the pretty girls dance and take off their underpants" (Eminem in D-12's My Band)


Update: The saturday night DJ set at the Blue Parrot in Playa currently features back-projected dancing Obamas.


How do you like that?



Not a lot if you're of the tico persuasion.

Honduras booked themselves a place in South Africa on wednesday evening, thanks to that late and possibly unconstitutional gringo equaliser in the fifth minute of extra time.

Costa Rica will get one last bite at the guinda however, as they now face a play-off against the Uruguayan team who let everyone down by not putting the Argies out of their misery earlier the same day.

Maradonna then showed everyone what a class act he is by calling a Coke- sponsored press conference in which he asked the gathered press pack to keep sucking on the big one...



...and singling out one hack called Toti Pasman for some shaming comments, such as "“Vos también la tenés adentro."



(Update: Diego's remarks could earn him a five match ban, which would keep him out of everyone's hair until the semi-finals...should the Argies even progress that far.)

Guatemalan interest in next year's Mundial is likely to be even more consuming than it was back in Germany 2006, since there may well be two Central American teams involved, plus Mexico — for whom the chapines seem to acquire a grudging respect if not actual affection for a few weeks every four years.

Once all these have been knocked out, Hispanic allegiances will tend to switch to Brazil and Spain, handily the two teams with the greatest chance of actually winning the competition.

England will be somewhere in the chasing pack (and thanks to events in Montevideo consigned to the second tier of seeds) with the likes of France and Argentina straggling further back, unless they somehow manage to effect a change of manager before the tournament commences.

France of course still have to qualify through the European play-offs, but have been helped by UEFA's (run by a Frenchman) belated decision to change the format from a free draw to a seeded one, thereby giving the likes of Thierry Henry and Cristiano Ronaldo the best chance of actually appearing all kitted up in South Africa...to the great delight of advertisers everywhere.


La Cumparsita of the Day #6



Thursday, October 15, 2009

The secret is out

This month Revue magazine has well and truly blown 'the best kept secret in Antigua'. Cheers mate! ....as we poms say (apparently). Now those mountain-spring pools will feature rows of mochiludos soaking their callos. Well, for a while at least.

In truth we haven't been going to El Pilar as regularly as we used to when old Germán was in charge. His passing was preceded by that of the amazingly loquacious parrot he kept in the gatehouse. He did always seem to say that he'd love it if more people could come and witness the beauty of his finca, but I think he had locals in mind predominantly.

There's also an interview with ever-effervescent eco-crusader Vida Amor de Paz. I had a brief encounter with Guatemala's polar explorer last year and found her a little keener then than she was in her conversation with Laura McNamara to sprinkle her commentary with references to 2012 and the Mayan cosmovision.

I remember wondering at the time whether she really believes in that bollocks or whether in fact it has become a useful hook for a) getting funding for her trip and wider campaign and b) inspiring impressionable young people to become eco-crusaders.

Could it be similar to the great E.O. Wilson's appeal to religious delusionals on his lecture circuit? For Wilson insists — and even Richard Dawkins grudgingly admits — that the godly are far more likely to save the planet than us die-hard cynics and atheists. Anyway, more on that when I get round to reviewing Margaret Atwood's The Year of the Flood in the next few days.

Next month we are going to be battered with Roland Emmerich's 2012. Tuesday's Guardian had a great piece on the underlying 'tosh' which featured fun soundbites from both Mayan archaeologists and local elders:

"Mayan leaders consider the fuss a ridiculous western obsession. "I came back from England last year and, man, they had me fed up with this stuff," Apolinario Chile Pixtun, an elder from Guatemala, told the Associated Press."

Meanwhile, behind schedule, but still very scarily — there will be ice-free summers in the Arctic in 'as little as ten years time' — it was reported yesterday.


Revenge of the Nerds?

Last week's Newsnight Review paused to consider the growing dominance of the boxed-set buyers and their sci-fi cultural googles in mainstream narrative creativity.

It featured a fascinating confrontation between Kevin Smith and Jeanette Winterson. Smith was wearing a bath robe in honour of the 30th anniversary of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I suppose I'm just going to have to watch Flash Forward now...

No YouTube clip yet, but here's a link to the programme on the BBC's page.

Zombieland (2009)

For those who might find The Road like, a bit heavy, here's a post-apocalyptic road / buddy movie in which the end of the world is little more than a minor inconvenience.

The likeability of Harrelson and Eisenberg translates into a very likeble, if somewhat throw-away zomcom caper...though Bill Murray's cameo is rather memorable.

"Do you have any regrets?"
"Maybe Garfield"

Grade: B+

Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day


Jade mask from Calakmul (...not Jades SA, honest).

La Cumparsita of the Day #5



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Breath

Colm Tóibín has beaten me to it; Tim Winton's Breath is indeed "breathtaking".

Set within a fairly conventional tale of an Australian boyhood (in Sawyer, near Perth in the 70s) Winton's tale explores how the life lived most intensely is one in danger of skirting ever closer to darkness.

It's also one of those stories where the narrator— Bruce Pike aka 'Pikelet' — brings a middle-aged man's perspective back to the time of his life. In fact you could even slot it into Christopher Booker's special category of 'Voyage and Return' plots, in which the protagonist is briefly part of a self-styled elite leading a kind of wonderland existence (along the lines of Waugh's Brideshead revisited and Tartt's The Secret History) only by the end of the story to be cast out, and to a large extent marked for life by this experience.

Surfing is Pikelet's escape from the ordinary. He meets the pathologically risk-averse Ivan Loon aka 'Loonie' — and together they are taken under the wing of former champion Sando and his somewhat messed-up wife Eva. TLS reviewer Rónán McDonald saw something fascistic in the way this little group starts to play with death's rollers:

"If there is a hierarchical, aristocratic aspect to surfing, the deathliness that shadows its appeal in this novel also evokes a fascist aesthetic. The hunt for more and more hazardous waves to conquer indicates an aspiration towards an ineffable, mystic extremity, at once terrifying and swathed in a rhetoric of purity. The blond and buffed heroes of surfing are, after all, in many ways comparable to Übermensch, their feats of daring and mastery of a higher order than those of the “ordinary” people. There is nothing communal about the surfing impulse here."

I still think there's a world of difference between a surfboard and a pair of jackboots, in as much that the darker side of the basic aspiration is not immediately obvious with the former. Winton himself seems to acknowledge that surfing itself can be 'pure' and yet can also bring out the sado-masochistic demons in those already that way inclined.

I quoted one of Pikelet's more striking reminiscences here.

The book has been awarded with the 2009 Miles Franklin Prize for literature and has an excellent support website.





Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day


The last monument carved in the city of Itzimté (Campeche), erected at the end of the first tuun of the k'atun 10 Ajaw (Jan 10, AD 910). The scene shows T'zul Ajaw (Lord dog?) casting balls of pom (incense) into a brazier. He is sporting unusual canine-design headgear.

La Cumparsita of the Day #4



Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day


It's interesting how many of the artefacts one finds in the local museums around the region would be quite hard for the untrained eye to place as 'Mayan'.

The White Tiger

I might be one of the few Brits with some terciary education under their belts who have never really felt the lure of India...the reality or the reverie.

So I prepared myself to be largely unscandalised by (if not wholly unengaged with) Aravind Adiga's 2008 Man Booker Prize-winning novel, touted as an exploration of the sub-continent's distended underbelly.

Yet India buffs everywhere had clearly been unsettled. Kevin Rushby, for instance, capped his Guardian review with the following pronouncement:

"My hunch is this is fundamentally an outsider's view and a superficial one. There are so many alternative Indias, uncontacted and unheard. Adiga is an interesting talent. I hope he will immerse himself deeper in that country, then go on to greater things."

Actually, my money would be on Rushby's being the outsider's view. And I think it's important to note from the start that the novel the reviewer so abjectly patronises there, is very much a stylised portrait of the country, and in particular of the social divisions occasioned by its rapid economic development.

Our narrator is Balram Halwai, a self-confessed 'social entrepreneur' and 'original listener' who, over the course of a week, is writing a letter a day to the Chinese premier, due shortly to arrive in India on a state visit. At the end of the first letter Balram admits slitting the throat of his erstwhile employer Mr Ashok.

Balram relates how he became a driver for Ashok, the American-educated son of a more old school local landlord and bully. Eventually he follows his employer and his wife ('Pinky Madam') to the bright lights of the capital, where the fundamental divide between the old and the new India, the light and 'the Darkness', is at its most conspicuous. A predominantly sardonic commentator, Balram's description of this two-tier society is abruptly heartfelt:

"Dim streetlights were glowing down onto the pavement on either side of the traffic; and in that orange-hued half-light, I could see multitudes of small, thin, grimy people squatting, waiting for a bus to take them somewhere, or with nowhere to go and about to unfurl a mattress and sleep right there. These poor bastards had come from the Darkness to Delhi to find some light — but they were still in the darkness. Hundreds of them, there seemed to be, on either side of the traffic, and their life was entirely unaffected by the jam. Were they even aware there was a jam? We were like two separate cities — inside and outside the dark egg. I knew I was in the right city. But my father, if he were alive, would be sitting on the pavement, cooking some rice gruel for dinner, and getting ready to lie down and sleep under a streetlamp, and I couldn't help thinking of that and recognising his features in some beggar out there. So I was in some way out of the car too, even while I was driving it."

Shiny new malls and the western values attached to them may have come to India but, Balram insists, they have made few inroads against the indigenous system of pyschological enslavement.

"Here in India we have no dictatorship. No secret police. That is because we have the coop...a handful of men in this country have trained the remaining 99.9 per cent — as strong, as talented, as intelligent in every way — to exist in perpetual servitude; a servitude so strong that you can put the key of his emancipation in a man's hands and he will throw it back at you with a curse...do we loathe our masters behind a facade of love — or do we love them behind a facade of loathing? We are made mysteries to ourselves by the Rooster Coop we are locked in."

And the political system of the world's most populous democracy is shown to be corrupt to the core. Voters discuss the elections "like eunuchs discussing the Karma Sutra".

Balram's own corruption comes slowly. He openly rebels against the mores of his village long before he's prepared to transgress against the Rooster Coop. But once he's cut the outside wire, the process inevitably begins to feed on itself:

"The more I stole from him, the more I realised how much he had stolen from me."

Meanwhile Mr Ashok loses first his wife then his ethical compass. "When a master's life is in chaos, so is the servant's," Balram notes sagely. If Balram is a "country mouse" unadapted to the Delhi existence, Mr Ashok is at sea outside the first world metropolis where he was formed. And so driver and master suffer a parallel process of moral decay which brings them ever closer to the moment of intimate violence. In the end Balram justifies the murder on the grounds of pre-emptive revenge for the ugly consequences he knows it will have for his family.

At the time of writing Balram himself has escaped these consequences, establishing himself in the 'world's centre of technology and outsourcing', Bangalore. He jests with Wen Jiabao that it is only a matter of time before their fast-growing nations surpass America economically, whilst outlining some of the stuff that the Chinese could still take time to learn from the Indians:

"The future of the world lies with the yellow man now that our erstwhile master, the white skinned man, has wasted himself through buggery, mobile phone usage and drug abuse

"...and our nation, though it has no drinking water, electricity, sewage system, public transportation, sense of hygiene, discipline, courtesy or punctuality, DOES have entrepreneurs."

I still couldn't say that this modern capitalist dystopia came as a big literary surprise to me. The (over-)privilged of India have always struck me as the least redeemable, its under-privileged the least redeemed. But I wasn't that far into the novel before I stopped fretting about whether it was any more deserving of the Booker than say Vikas Swarup's Q&A. (aka Slumdog...). Having established the beguiling and sympathetic voice of his homicidal driver, Adiga uses the last two or three letters to really lay down the serious literary credentials of his story.

Whilst I accept the reality of 'the Darkness' in a fast-globalising world, I wouldn't say it's the thing which most interests me about the particular developing country I find myself in.You could I suppose speak of the barranco separating traditional and metropolitan Guatemala, but for me at least the points of intersection are at the heart of my fictional interest in this nation. Instead of treating their servants like sub-human slaves, well-off Guatemalans are far more likely to leave them to lead an almost middle-class life by proxy during their extended absences from their alternative hogares.

Anyway, it remains for me to add that there's a lot of acid humour in The White Tiger...such as the passages suggesting that the drivers' favourite rag has been crafted as a kind of social prophylactic:

"Of course, a billion servants are secretly fantasising about strangling their bosses — and that's why the government of India publishes this magazine and sells it on the streets for just four and a half rupees so that even the poor can buy it. You see, the murderer in the magazine is so mentally disturbed and sexually deranged that no one reader would want to be like him and in the end he always gets caught by some honest, hardworking police officer (ha!), or goes mad and hangs himself by a bedsheet after writing a sentimental letter to his wife or primary school teacher, or is chased, beaten, buggered, and garroted by the brother of the woman he has done in. So if your driver is busy flicking through the pages of 'Murder Weekly', relax. No danger to you. Quite the contrary."




La Mujer de mi Hermano (2005)

This easy-on-the-eye feature based on the book by Peruvian novelist Jaime Bayly, is a bit of an oddity really.

It could easily have been titled "There are four people in this marriage..." Husband, wife, husband's brother and wife's gay best friend. (And I suppose you could add the priest and the mother-in-law!)

Husband and wife are childless; his fault we learn. For not only is Ignacio sterile he insists on having sex only on Saturdays. He and Zoe inhabit a house which screams repressed homosexuality, though at first it's unclear whether we are to blame the dueño or the director for this nudge nudge wink wink location.

We sympathise with Zoe largely because she is stylish and beautiful. Put a plainer woman in the same role and the tone would be radically altered. Other than her out-of-the-closet friend Bruno she has what she feels is a soul mate in the person of Igancio's slightly sociopathic and Bohemian brother Gonzalo, a painter and all-round gorro.

Ignacio loves Zoe but his interests appear to lie elsewhere, so we know that the neglected wife is going to end up in the sack with the less responsible sybling, and will of course end up pregnant to boot.

The trouble is that the deeper and darker moral ambiguity in this tale is ultimately only hinted at, while the emotional intensity of it all is strangely muted. We end up with what feels like one of those made-for-TV/based on a true story-type conclusions which seems to pack a rather simplistic message. Zoe and Ignacio have reached a new open and honest plateau in their marriage, having in effect gone about adoption the hard way and fessed up to their need for extra-curricular activities. Meanwhile the padre novelero (played by Chilean pop star Beto Cuevas) and selfish Gonzalo will continue to believe that a higher deception has been committed.

Other than that, what is the moral of the tale here? Don't trust a woman who has a gay best friend or a man who wears two pairs of socks?

There's one more significant problem here. The central trio, all supposed to be Mexican, are played by a Peruvian, a Colombian and an Uruguasha. In this respect Manolo 's Gonzalo is the most grating, because his contributions to the dialogue seem to have been penned by someone who has just completed Habla Mexicano...for dummies.

Indeed, I think I myself could knock up an online Mexispeak generator which would randomly emit phrases in a more coherent and convincing way than the painter does in this film: "La neta buey...pinche putito...este vestido es bien chido...ayyyy cabrón...no maaaames..." etc.

Oddly enough the title of Bayly's novel suggests that the story was originally recounted by Gonzalo. On film Zoe's dilemmas are most obviously at the forefront, but the situation is rather jarringly presented as everyone's and no-one's to solve, while retaining some of the baked-in homophobia and misogynism that would have had to suffuse a first-person narrative from the perspective of the brother.

Grade: B (+)




La Cumparsita of the Day #3



Monday, October 12, 2009

'The Form of Curry'



Is England's oldest surviving cookbook, dating back to the 1390s.

Salad-sceptic Clarissa Dickson Wright introduces us here to some of its 196 recipes. It's surprising how much garlic was consumed, but I suppose that most of our aristocracy back then were Froggishly-inclined.

It seems that not only the peasants were revolting in the reign of Richard II, because V's response to the goose with 'sauce madame' was "eeeeujjjhk".


Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day


Like many of the other sculptures and objets d'art on display in Campeche's two Mayan archaeological museums, this cilindrical mini-altar comes from the city of Edzná, located just to the south of the Puuc trail. Its central feature in the edificio de los cinco pisos.

Apagón

A lightning strike in Escuintla took out the power in a large part of Guatemala for well over an hour yesterday evening. We have candles in strategic locations around the house, but some of our neighbours seemed to have little alternative but to pour out onto the street. The valley all around filled with dense pools of gloom. Only the Sindal kept chugging away.

Earlier we'd downed a few cocktails to celebrate our anniversary. V's recipe for the 'Dos Décadas' contains fresh lime and cucumber juice (and a few drops of tomato juice) plus a couple of measures of Don Ramón tequila. We watched a programme last week which listed the number of different local products seemingly named after that much loved character from El Chavo del Ocho.

The Quiet Family / Choyonghan kajok (1998)

An enthralling farcical tale about an oddball family which takes on the management of a remote mountain lodge.

Business is slow at first, but picks up, along with the body count. A suicide gets the ball rolling and it gathers speed thanks largely to a combination of ill-fortune and incompetence, topped off by the curse of an old hag.

This film was apparently the base material for The Happiness of the Katakuris, which I have yet to watch. Takeshi Miike apparently added zombies and singing, which sounds a bit like over-seasoning to me.

Ji-woon Kim later directed one of my favourite films of the past decade — A Tale of Two Sisters — from this evidence, not a one-off.

Grade: A-

Encounters at the end of the World (2007)

I'm amazed that the Discovery Channel forked out the funds for Werner Herzog's rather disturbing antarctic quest, which is clearly much more concerned with the true/magnetic end of the world than the geographic one.

"I told zem I vosn't goink to make anuzzer movie abowt penguinz," he confesses at the start, though one particularly contrarian penguin plays a significant symbolic role in the film.

Indeed most of the encounters Herzog has, with people, with animals, with things, are immediately co-opted into the soup of dark existential metaphors that he's concocting.

The overall message appears to be a reworking of Clarke's third law (that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic) in that any sufficiently edgy quest for empirical knowledge becomes a quest for something much more esoteric — for this is the point where all the lines of human endeavour converge, a geo-temporal omega point where physics morphs with metaphysics and the future is already taking shape.

Herzog and many of the characters he meets have half-empty glasses when it comes to the destiny of our own species; many already appear to be living the post-apocalypse. Some are even shuffling around with white plastic buckets on their heads...

Shake the world and all the detached people kind of end up down here, one of them suggests. Perhaps my favourite was the Hungarian 'refugee' who never goes anywhere without a backpack weighing exactly 20kg, containing all he needs to move on at a moment's notice, including an inflatable canoe. Herzog doesn't need to make the point explicitly - the joke on this nut is that he's reached the point where there's nowhere else to run to.

The only real optimist was the scientist from Hawaii who has gone down to the pole in order to send up a balloon bearing equipment capable of detecting neutrinos — particles, he suggests, from another, almost spiritual dimension. Though even this quest has a whiff of finality about it.

So, as a piece of documentary film-making Herzog has delivered something which is literally an 'awesome' curiosity. Viewers of all ages are going to come out fretting about that doomed penguin, but I suspect it's the older audience that will find more ways to lose sleep after watching it.

Grade: A-



London (2005)

If Guy Ritchie were to try his hand at an hommage to Woody Allen, the result might be something like this.

Most of the action takes place in a well-appointed upstairs bathroom in one of two gorgeous homes that provide the backdrop of Hunter Richards's film.

These locations appear to be the only likeable things the debut writer-director wished to include, but in spite of all of his best efforts to make this a truly hateful spectacle, I did get kind of carried along by his expletive-packed script.

Perhaps it's because relationships between strangers is a topic that appeals to me, or maybe I can't find it in myself not to warm to Jason Statham, who appears to think he's in some sort of coke and tequila-fuelled bromance.

Grade: B

La Cumparsita of the Day #2



Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Mesoamerican Thingamajig(s) of the Day



Que alguien me expliiiique...

What is it about Guatemalan festivals and people dressed up as furry animals dancing to merengue? In San Lucas today there was one respresenting a canine Osama Bin Laden complete with orange Guatánamo jump suit!

A musical interlude for our 'anniversary'



It's twenty years today since V and I first met, so here's one of 'our songs' as a bit of a musical interlude.


Friday, October 09, 2009

Notes from abroad: a summing up


Now that I'm back in the land where the fajitas don't (usually) sizzle and the choice of chelas is more restricted, it's time for a few reflections on my recent trip north.

It was probably a unique opportunity to enjoy a Mexico still depleted of tourism by swine-flu jitters and the habitual dip occasioned by the season of stormy weather, which this year — gracias a El Niño — was a lot more benign than anyone had expected it to be.

Almost everywhere I went I was able to negotiate accommodation for around half the Internet-advertised rate and/or secure an upgrade. (At the Baluartes in Campeche I was offered this 'master suite' overlooking the Gulf for the price of a standard room at the other side: $65.)

Playa was still packed with local fun-seekers but my five day stay at Las Ranitas had overtones of the Robinson Crusoe experience. (I've reviewed my pics from 2006 and although the beach still appears deserted there were a lot more footprints around.)

Aside from the delicious Pollo Sian Ka'an I ordered at Om (I now regret that the most positive thing I have said about this tremendously cool establishment is that it isn't as bad as it sounds!), I stuck to a pescatorian diet, learning along the way that the only place on the Yucatán peninsula where prawns are truly local is Campeche.

It was a real pleasure to traverse Chiapas from Palenque to San Cristóbal on HW199 during the daylight hours this time, passing the Mayan women in their bright white blouses and navy skirts tending to little herds of cattle, goats and pigs. There was hardly a moment when I didn't want to just stop and gawp at the scenery, so perhaps next time I will take my own car after all. It would come in particularly handy in Tulum where the best stretch of beach is 10km south of the ruins and a further 4km perhaps from the main town.

I'm done with travelling for a while, I hope. I'm supposed to set off on a 4-city Asian tour early in December — something I signed myself up for in the Spring — but it's a lot to fit in before (and during) Christmas so I'm going to try to push that back as far as I can into 2010.

Here are some of the things I'm glad I brought back with me:

  • Ron Fandango Añejo ($2...yes that's $2)
  • Don Ramón Tequila Reposado - the bottle is going to be just perfect for my olive oil.
  • A stack of Marina Azul tuna sachets
  • Melinda's habanero sauce
  • Queso de Oaxaca
  • Organic chipotle and serrano sauces
  • Assorted típicos including a 'zebraffe'.
And I avoided consuming the pozol de la muerte that almost dispatched me back in February.

Indeed, in spite of a number of quite serious mishaps and zemblanities on this journey, nothing can match the catastrophe that almost befell V while I was away — the old guy she'd paid to chapear around one of our terrenos and then incinerate the rubbish almost contrived to send the neighbouring finca up in flames.

Thankfully someone with a 60m hose turned up in the nick of time, because V and her guacal and the viejito suddenly hopping up and down like a man thirty years younger, were never really going to stall this conflagration on their own.

They grow pascuas in there, so not only our own Christmas festivities would have been diminished by this disaster.




Bloody Mary

This morning I read Hilary Mantel's review of Eammon Duffy's Fires of Faith: Catholic England under Mary Tudor.

Whilst generations of English historians have concurred that Mary and her bishops were deluded reactionaries fighting inevitable intellectual change, Duffy insists that traditional faith was resilient at this time and that the Queen and Archbishop Pole demonstrated that a conserted campaign of state terrorism really can set back an idea that could otherwise consider that its time has come.

There were 284 executions, a very public "theatre of cruelty, with both sides performing for each other and for any uncommitted onlooker." The number of protestants prepared to bear witness and burn might ultimately have been small, Mantel agrees, but the genie of free thought was certainly out of the bottle:

"An Essex servant girl, Elizabeth Folkes, aged 20, was asked what she understood about the nature of the Eucharist. Did she believe in a ‘substantial and real presence’ in the host? She answered: ‘It was a substantial lye, and a reall lye.’ She had been questioned once and let go, she had been given her chance, and so although the judge wept when he sentenced her, she was burned with five other humble people outside the town walls of Colchester. Rawlins White was burned; he was an illiterate Cardiff fisherman. William Hunter was 19 years old, a silk-weaver’s apprentice; a priest sneered at him: ‘It is a merye worlde when such as thou arte shall teache us what is the truth.’ Thomas Tomkins, a weaver, was burned after Edmund Bonner, bishop of London, had forcibly shaved off his long evangelist’s beard ‘so he wold loke like a catholike’ even if he wasn’t one, and had held his hand in a candle flame to give him a foretaste of what was in store for him if he failed to recant."

If you recanted, you still burned, but only up to the point of your earthly death, or so the Bishops believed. Clergymen wandered amongst the crowd gathered for the executions, ready to provide ad hoc spiritual commentary, while informants noted down the names of anyone showing undue compassion for the heretics on the barbecue.


Shinjuku Incident / San suk si gin (2009)


A tale about a plucky gang of Chinese illegals in 90s Tokyo who, almost by accident, end up running an incipient criminal empire.

Denying himself his trademark comedy kung-fu antics and super-stunts, Jackie Chan drifts through the movie with a look of permanent awkwardness and bemusement, seemingly the only way he has of conveying his character Steelhead's arc from love-sick rustic to hired killer and triad boss.

This strikes me as very much a Chinese take on the world of the Japanese Yakuza, though apparently its regular spasms of gruesomeness have earned it a ban in the People's Republic.

The trouble is, that having nursed his characters through the first half of the movie, writer-director Derek Yee rather abruptly — and for this viewer at least, unsatisfactorily — throws them off a cliff as the film enters its dark and violent last act.

Grade: B

Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.


Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day


The Academy-Award outfit, Maya style.



The Hurt Locker (2008)

Lacking both the preachiness of almost every other Iraq war movie and the dedication to embedded realism to which Generation Kill was predisposed, Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker is, (as the poster suggests) "ferociously suspenseful" and fascinating, both for the genre conventions it dodges and for those that it imports.

It's certainly not one of those stories designed to ram home the point that soldiers do what they do because of their unfaltering love for the man fighting beside them.

I was made to recall one of my favourite shows of the 70s, Danger UXB with Anthony Andrews. The unexploded bomb scenario certainly makes for remarkably tense viewing, such that when you come to watch one of these second time round, the emotional experience is significantly different. (I don't remember such edge-of-seat cinematic experience since United 93, though of course in Greengrass's movie you knew exactly who was going to get it.)

My admiration for Bigelow's film faltered only during the extended spaghetti western-style scene around the mid-point, in which Ralph Fiennes and co put in an appearance as an unlikely group of British contractors. But overall, a landmark war film with fine performances from the central trio.

Grade: A-

Vinyan (2008)

It's a pity that Fabrice du Weiz appears to have no story telling ability whatsovever, because the set-up here is quite promising and he can certainly come up with some arresting visuals.

Rufus Sewell and Emmanuelle Béart play a couple in Thailand, still grieving six months after their young son was apparently swept away by the tsunami.

After watching a video about displaced children trafficked into Burma, Béart's character Janet becomes convinced that little Joshua is alive out there in the heart of darkness, still wearing his red Manchester United shirt, and so the pair hire a shady underworld character to take them on a distinctly iffy quest to the badlands/ spirit world.

What starts off rather half-heartedly as a thriller, becomes a phantasmagoric mix of Apocalypse Now, Don't Look Now and Lord of the Flies. And if at any point you actually care what happens you are a considerably more empathetic person than I am.

Béart's performance is intense (a bit too instense for me) and all poor old Rufus has to do is to screw up his features in consternation (and trepidation) every time she's having one of her moments.

Grade: B (-)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.


Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day



"Todos desnudos"??



Well, that's what it sounds like to us...


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Notes from abroad: Fire Dancers

The 'legendary fire dancers' at the Blue Parrot in Playa were a suitable subject for my first HD upload to YouTube.




Watch in full HD here!


Tierra Maya Tour Operator (Antigua Guatemala)


A bit of product unendorsement: if you must use a tour bus service to get around Guatemala and neighbouring countries, here's one to avoid: Tierra Maya on 6a Avenida Norte (next to El Viejo Cafe).

Notwithstanding that Guatemalan operators of such services appear all too aware of the way that shuttle rhymes with cattle, I have made occasional use of them, for airport dashes in particular.

When I left San Cristóbal I had the option of getting the OCC bus, but on my last night I had wandered past a travel agent and found that they offered a direct service to Antigua for 400 pesos which would, I thought, enable me to avoid the uncertainties of border bus changes and the difficulties involved in arriving after dark in the capital. (Though with hindsight, given that this journey was to take 12 hours in the end, I might just have well have returned via Tapachula on the ADO/Galgos route.)

I have few complaints about the service up to the border. The driver was friendly and professional, introducing himself and making short information announcements throughout our ride to La Mesilla. Unfortunately, the way these things work is that the company you have paid to take you to Antigua hands over to their Guatemalan equivalent at the frontier.

This involves a change of microbus (usually something of a downgrade) and in my case a bit of an argument about the re-location of my suitcase. It contained cosas delicadas and I was loath to leave it sunning itself up on the roof rack with all the mochilas, but even though there would still be plenty of space inside, I was still given a load of aggro over this.

The new driver — Eddy — drove us to Las Cruces and then dumped us beside the highway, having informed us that another vehicle would soon be along to collect the Antigua-bound passengers. After about half an hour he returned and admitted that the other shuttle had been detained by a blockage up ahead, and that we would all now have to go to Panajachel where another driver would take us to Antigua using the alternative route.

By now it was dark and our third driver was in a big hurry, preferring to press ahead predominantly in the lane designed for vehicles travelling in the other direction. A German girl behind me called out to him "Señoooor! queremos llegar a Antigua..." He gruffly replied that he too wanted to get to Antigua, but the previous bus had been delayed and now he was running very late. Our safety was clearly of no concern to him whatsoever.

He had earlier made note of the various destinations within Antigua of my fellow travellers, offering hotel accommodation where none seemed to have been arranged, but when we finally made it to our destination, he pulled up outside the Tierra Maya office and declared that we had arrived in the park. Servidos...

I've done this journey before and have previously had no trouble persuading the driver to leave me to last and then run me home. Now you might think that in this I have been spoiled, but I do think this particular so-and-so owed it to his other passengers to take them to their various hotels and other abodes in the centre of town...or at least the Parque where they could more easily have picked up a cab.

There was a middle-aged / middle-class Mexican couple on their first visit to Guatemala on board and Antigua must have seemed a dauntingly unfamiliar place in which to appear at 8:30pm — unlike SC de LC, taxis here tend to congregate in one place, so the pair faced a bit of walk, lugging all their cases.

There's a certain kind of business here in Antigua which appears to believe that gringos are so many objects to be moved around and that delays, fuck-ups, rudeness, suicidal driving etc. are nothing to be apologised for. Tierra Maya is obviously one of these.

At the Mexican end it's probably best to ask who they subcontract to before setting off.


Notes from abroad: San Cristóbal de las Casas


In some ways SC de LC is a poor man's version of both Oaxaca and Antigua. And yet, la neta is that this town possesses a number of things that we lack down here in Guatemala's former colonial capital.

Foremost amongst these is an excellent Lebanese restaurant, run by — yes — real Lebanese people.

In fact my waiter at Arez turned out to be a former resident of Baker Street and the chef had worked for seven years at Beirut Express, one of my favourite middle-eastern eateries on Edgeware Road. This was the last meal I had in Mexico and it was undoubtedly the most mouthwatering. (The rice dish was a particular treat.)

San Cristóbal certainly isn't the gastronomic hotspot that Oaxaca has become (or indeed Campeche), but there appear to be a number of enticing middle-ground dining options, combined with a lack of both waste-of-space pretentious nonsense (such as Nicolas) and the overly touristic presentation of comida nacional in Antigua.

This is surely a factor of the city's comparatively larger scale. Antigua might have better bars and nightspots, but it lacks the everyday live music scene and the sheer exuberance of the locally-resident merrymakers in San Cristóbal.

The latter city can also boast cheaper típicos, a very well-stocked and not too exhorbitant wine shop called Super Cava (and let us not forget Ron Fandango at $2 a litre), fully predestrianised shopping streets and a certain amount of authentic guerrilla chic (take it or leave it...).

A complete set of my snaps can be viewed here.


Immigrants, Ex-Pats and Non-Doms

"Are there many immigrants in Antigua?" a Dutchman asked me the other day on the bus.

I chuckled to myself at his use of a term that many foreign residents in town would probably feel a little uncomfortable with. Yet I suppose I would tend to regard someone whose primary source of income is here in Guatemala as an immigrant, regardless of whether or not they've actually bothered to get themselves a cédula yet.

Being British the term 'ex-pat' inevitably brings to mind an individual with a gin and tonic and Panama hat who strolls up and introduces himself with an "air hallair". Other nations will surely have their own expatriate stereotypes, but judging from my experiences here, a grumpy, misfit personality and rudimentary Spanish appear quite widespread.

We Brits also have another handy distinction in this category: 'non-dom' — being an individual who, whilst resident in a particular country, is in fact domiciled somewhere completely different.

One's domicile is the place where one prefers to pay tax on one's global income, thus usually somewhere fiscally undemanding. Unfortunately Guatemala lacks such a useful status option for non-nationals, hence the phenomenon of the 90-day renewable immigrant.

"Welcome to my office," Bruce said to me with an expansive movement of his right arm when we first met in the bar of the Panzón Verde, one of several boutique hotels he owns in the region. This ice-breaker was certainly laid back and amusing, but it was surely also intended to issue me with a clear pointer to the status of the man who uttered it.

How ex-pats or immigrants here in Antigua present themselves to each other and to Guatemalans is an endless source of fascination for me. Not all have the easy access to the familiar signs of success which Bruce enjoys. Where there is doubt (or indeed mystery) some seem compelled to make stuff up, displaying either a residual need for pecking order, or a tendency to outright fibbing and fantasy.

One eccentric character I've met here is a talented artist and decorator and very gainfully employed in the city's wealthier millieu, and yet is incapable of giving an account of himself that isn't like a trip to fairyland.

Us Brits are prone to underplay the aspects of our lifestyles which are not immediately obvious. Yanks, as we all know, are inclined to exaggerate. Even the most insignificant gringo pushitero here in Guatemala is likely to describe his day job as if it were an international business empire.

Americans also appear more prone than other foreign entrepreneurs to the setting up of businesses that a cynic (such as myself) might describe as exploitation posing as charity: adoption agencies etc.

One fine example I recently uncovered is the brainchild of a lady recently profiled in Antigua's second most useful listings magazine: she invites impressionable gringos to help clean up Guatemala's Pacific beaches and other areas where litter might be posing an ecological threat. These volunteers go home with a nice little certificate testifying to their good deeds down in Guatemala, while la directora pockets a fat fee from the hotels and other private organisations that need their beaches cleaning up. This is in addition to the NGO-funding this upstart start-up already receives.

The latter appears to be at the root of countless scams. A neighbour in Jardines (though not in this instance an immigrant) once spent a whole afternoon pitching to V all the different ways 'we' could rake in the cash by working with one NGO or another here in Antigua. She politely declined this offer of a business partnership.

Notes from abroad: an aside on street names


Whereas in Oaxaca the street names appear to be a heady mix of dictators and liberators, down in San Cristóbal the heroes of the lucha social hold sway: Insurgentes, Madero, Zapata etc.

Rather bizarrely the avenues of Playa del Carmen increment in units of five. (5,10, 15 etc.).

There, Mamita's beach club (pictured) could easily be deployed as a synecdoche for the whole of the sprall behind, because it flaunts the same tendency towards unfettered expansion in microcosm.

Back in 2003 there were just a couple of novelty beach beds. Nowadays, if you want to tell a friend which one you are occupying, you have little alternative but to resport to the terminology of calles and avenidas.


Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.


Rudo y Cursi (2008)

Alfonso Cuarón's Y tu Mamá También was a masterclass in the juxtaposition of light and dark, of goofy comedy with underlying anguish. His brother Carlos has attempted a similar blend here, but at times only achieves a rather uncomfortable clash.

The action hinges on two penalty kicks and a confusion between audience right and stage right. The result of the first will lift a pair half-brothers out of the life of plantation workers in Cihuatlan, while the result of the second will...

Well, that would be a spoiler, but the interesting thing about this second penalty is that I believe it would have been possible to deliver a satisfactory conclusion to this story even if it had gone the other way.

Diego Luna and Gael García Bernal are clearly enjoying their roles, perhaps a bit too obviously at times, hamming up their regional accents and the signature traits which have earned their characters their nicknames. I like them both, but it's clear from this material why García Bernal has become the bigger international star, so perhaps there's another level of playfulness in the way Cuarón has scripted the comparative trajectories of the pair here.

This is yet another film about soccer where no previous knowledge or interest is required and Cuarón has been quite careful to deny us any real match action. In spite of this, one of Roger Ebert's take-outs from the movie was the following admission:

"I am gradually discovering that soccer is superior to American football: quicker, more athletic, depending on improvisation more than planning. In South and Central America, where American baseball has been embraced, soccer is a way of life. A movie like "Rudo y Cursi" helps explain why: One day, peons on a banana plantation; the next day, playing for the big bucks in Mexico City. Just bring your shorts, your shoes, your shirt and your ability. No shoulder pads."

PPS: V rather memorably described her experience of this movie as a journey along a road in which one passes a number of interesting-looking places only to finally arrive ...in Jocotenango.

Grade: B + (+)


Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day



The Damned United (2009)

I can very clearly recall the first time I saw Brian Clough being interviewed on TV sometime back in the early 70s. A very scary man, I thought.

Instead of the doe-eyed likeability that Michael Sheen brings to almost all of his renditions well-remembered public figures, there was the glassy-eyed, unempathetic inwardness of an ego feeding off itself.

But whether or not this is the real Clough, or indeed whether Timothy Spall has made any effort to recreate the real Peter Taylor, is not the real point here.

One doesn't have to bring along any preconceptions about the characters or indeed an actual interest in football, in order to fully enjoy Tom Hopper's film. (Though a certain kind of anti-nostalgia for the period might come in handy!)

Grade: A-


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Notes from abroad: Audiobooks

Have enabled me to reduce somewhat the weight of the suitcase I drag around with me on my periodic jaunts outside Guatemala.

The suitability of the narrator to the material and their ability to judge tone and pace, pulling the 'reader' along without the need for constant rewinds, are clealy of paramount importance in this medium.

The UK-based American actress Lorelei King was thus a fine choice for Margaret Atwood's entertaining and thought-provoking new novel The Year of the Flood.

Unfortunately, Ron Perlman's lugubrious intonation made the first third of Chuck Hogan and Guillermo del Toro's The Strain indeed a bit of a strain to listen to, though his interest levels and mine appear to have perked up in the second half. (And the prose is anyway by no means as deft as Atwood's.)

Stephen Fry's narration of Chekhov's short stories is predictably charming, each one delivered with the beguiling turn of a masterful raconteur...and therein perhaps lies my only disappointment with these recordings, for whenever I read these stories myself, darker notes tend to come to the surface.


Mesoamerican Thingamajig of the Day

The thingamajigs are back!

Thanks to my recent stay in Campeche, a location brimming with such items of curiosity (to some at least), I have well and truly stocked up again.

This anthropomorphic (humaniguana) incensario was knocked up during the Late Classic period (1250-1400).

Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Duty, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.


Wallace and Grommit and the Curse of the Vanishing Nibbles

Congratulations to Surfer who has managed to sign up some A-list imaginary characters for his latest exhibition at the Illustration Cupboard.

Notes from abroad: Yucatán photo albums

Campeche, Playa del Carmen and Tulum.


Sunday, October 04, 2009

Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Palace, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.


Saturday, October 03, 2009

Notes from abroad: another aside

This railway track in Campeche's suburbs was a bit of an oddity.

Where the malecón ends around 5km to the south of the centre, a main road (and this track) emerge at an angle from the city and continue along the coast which is lined by upper middle-class villas.

In some cases the rails have disappeared almost completely in the long grass, but in others, as here, they have become an unusual feature within a well-manicured front lawn.

At first I figured it must be as disused as the railway line that cuts across Puerto Barrios, then I thought it might just have something to do with the tourist trams, though these appeared to have wheels. And then, shortly after this pic was taken, I had settled down for a snack at a cafe next to the road and was completely dumfounded when a dwarfish freight trundled past...making full size freight train hooting and clanking noises.


Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Commerce, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.


Friday, October 02, 2009

Random 90s Italian Pop Smash of the Day #2



Better in Castellano? You decide...




Notes from abroad: Las Ranitas, Tulum (4)


Having had to ask for special dispensation from Yannik to spend just the one night here, I've ended up staying four.

This must be one of the few places where I'd actually consider growing a beard. Who knows, given another week I might even have taken up yoga.

Las Ranitas used to mark the end point of development; now you have to walk another km or two to the south before reaching the 'pristine' stretch of coast, and that still continues for many more kms until the arrival of some headland which I have yet to pass.

The other day the driver told me that the authorities have called a halt on the push south, at least until most of the half-done dream homes on the already-developed part of the beach have been properly finished off. We shall see...

The long flat shelf of sand in front of the beach means that even in apparently flat seas, the waves swell up surprisingly on final approach. But the undertow is fairly benign and it's not like Mazunte where the joy of simply floating on the surf is tempered by the real fear that a rogue roller can always come along and snuff you out. (Sadly the fate of Francisco Goldman's wife Aura, in whose memory a new literary prize for young Latin American women has been established.)

Yesterday there was a lot of wildlife around suddenly. Little blue-headed crabs were scuttling all over the beach and I almost tripped over an egret as I strolled back along the wavy line of the wet sand last night.

I can't help thinking that on this occasion Belize would have been a bit of an anti-climax, so I have re-jigged my intinerary accordingly and will be off back to the Chiapas highlands tomorrow.


Thursday, October 01, 2009

Grand Old Man of Letters

Former Antigua resident and nightime prowler Gore Vidal has told the Times's Tim Teeman that Obama is doing "dreadfully" and that he expects a military dictatorship anytime soon in the USA. On what the generals are currently keeping themselves busy with, he adds:

America should leave Afghanistan, he says. “We’ve failed in every other aspect of our effort of conquering the Middle East or whatever you want to call it.” The “War on Terror” was “made up”, Vidal says. “The whole thing was PR, just like ‘weapons of mass destruction’. It has wrecked the airline business, which my father founded in the 1930s. He’d be cutting his wrists. Now when you fly you’re both scared to death and bored to death, a most disagreeable combination.”


On a separate note, it has been widely reported today that And Tango Makes Three, an account of the lifestyles of gay penguins in New York's Central Park Zoo, tops the list of most ban requests published by the American Library Association.

One of our cats is definitely "anti-family". 16 kittens have been born in our home over the past few years, so I wonder if we are on the numbers as far as rates of feline homosexuality are concerned?

Random 90s Italian Pop Smash of the Day #1



Better in Castellano? You decide...




Notes from abroad: Las Ranitas, Tulum (3)

Paolino the manager here told me about a 1975 Mexican film in which his brother-in-law appeared called Sangre Derramada. It was shot in Antigua, so it would be fun to watch.

Paulino grew up in Merida and has some very interesting ideas about the applications of sound, aroma and colour in the hospitality industry.

I asked him where the tradition of making animals out of towels got started. Apparently it isn't limited to the peninsula and the resident toallartista received his training when working for a large chain of hotels elsewhere in the country. One of his most well-received models has apparently been a lady in a yoga position.

You'd have guessed from my earlier posts that I have some misgivings about the Maya-Hindu-Buddhism syncretism that goes on along this coast. There's a place for the orientalist fantasy aesthetic and that place, largely for historical and cultural reasons, is France. That's why the Buddha Bar, and the excellent CD boxed sets which emanated from it, made perfect sense in Paris.

Aside from the co-option of countercultural mores into premium consumer culture that is inevitably involved, there's also a tendency to dilute or indeed debase the indigenous spiritual legacy.

Oddly enough though, this French-run establishment appears to have the least pretensions to cosmic oneness out of all the hotels lined up either side of it.


Devil's Dictionary Word of the Day

Truth n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.